It is very painful, and quite a process.

What I found helpful was, keeping myself engaged and interested in my future. Rewarding myself with the treasure of missed activities or friends, or new ones. If you sit still and let your heart and head be pulled into the outgoing tide of emotion, you will go under, even if only for a while. It is unavoidable.

For now, you must expect the tide to go out, and you must plan for it. I'm not saying avoid it - it needs to be accepted and acknowledged. But don't let it drown you.

Perhaps it is different, day to day, week to week. A simple matter of driving to the store for a new book. Signing up for a class that makes you feel a little quirky and proud for investing in yourself. Calling a friend. Lighting a fire and renting a comedy. Writing a letter. The old fashioned way.

Do something for yourself, every day, consciously. Do it because you have a beautiful, long future ahead of you, and you need to be reminded of that, lest the tide get overwhelming. You will notice it less and less, but at first, be vigilant, perhaps. Someday when you think of him, it will be more balanced. Now is not the time to dwell.

I have no doubt you have friends who love and care for you and will support you. I'd encourage them to make you laugh and smile, not reminisce. You may have to say that, overtly. Friends have every best intention, but sometimes they can be sad along with you, and you will all get swept away in the pain of your loss. Don't do that for long. A little is fine, but not long. Those are my best words of encouragement.

Oh, and look in the damned mirror and give yourself a big smile. We should all be so beautiful as you. Good luck and be good to you. I know it hurts, but time is on your side.

these two quotes helped me when I walked this path....

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. Eckhart Tolle"

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." ~ Anais Nin

and, reading the power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle, helped me to complete the process.....

there is a time for begining and ending, each person that touches us along the way is part of that process

How do you let go, You open your arms, put away the ego, and allow the experience to FLOW in the direction it is meant to go....

Easy? Hell No, Necessary, Perhaps, only you can do it when you're ready, and you'll know when it's time.. don't fret over it..... it is what it is and it is NOW exactly what it is meant to be... Honor that...

Much Love....
Bare

I just went through that myself. It was one of the most dificult times of my life. I think I rented every single movie at the video store. It kept my mind off of it somewhat, but not really. I havent got much advice except that it will pass...

Be around your friends. A LOT.

I've been going through this for the past six weeks or so...and yeah, I'd say the best piece of advice is to keep busy doing things you like to do, even if it's just puttering around your house. For me, I dove back into dance classes and started cleaning out my house of all the stuff I've literally been holding onto. The actual stuff had nothing to do with the breakup, but I just realized that maybe I didn't need all my cd's, or all those clothes, or the juicer I never ever used, etc. And since in my case my ex hated going to music shows and other events that I enjoyed, I make sure to try and hit all of those that I had been missing without an ounce of guilt.

Also, right after a breakup (and I mean RIGHT AFTER) I stash every ounce of evidence of that person...pictures get buried in a box and erased off of social sites, emails either get saved or trashed (or I put them all in one folder to be gone through much later), his stuff all gets returned and I get ALL of my stuff back too. I cut it as clean as I possibly can.

And yes, absolutely take time to take care of YOU. A little retail therapy isn't a bad thing; sure it's consumerist and what have you but it also means something NEW and NEW is important at this time. So give yourself the little luxuries you may not otherwise.

Wishing you the best!

I'm at that point where I can't imagine meeting someone new, someone who will finally want the same things as I do. That part sucks too...

Hi, I wanted to just share a few thoughts on your post as I am going through the same thing, Its painful no way around this apart from knowing that letting go is part of the healing, its when we resist that the pain hurts for this binds us and keeps us locked up inside so we cannot move, feel, breath. I feel that giving myself the love, knowing I am whole that I will be ok this is one strong thing to hold onto. That all relationships come to teach us something of ourselves and eachother......it takes time go gently feel the sadness, anger,loss and release it .....you will feel lighter,stronger...namaste

i don't think it's a concious thing. the ache/pain will always be there.....only it will lessen in intensity until all you get is a twinge when you think of them years down the track.

i can;t offer any real advise - when my relationship/love ended i just internalised and tried not to fall apart, until one day I realised it wasn't so hard any more and I could make some positive steps to getting back to myself.

there's a great 'everything but the girl' song that goes like this......

'You say the magic's gone
well I'm not a magician
You say the sparks gone
well get an electrician
And save your lines about needing to be free
Oh that's bullshit babe
you just want rid of me
Hear me say
better things will surely come my waa-aa-ay'

I know it's a cliche but - better things will surely come your way. There's a reason that this relationship ended & that's cause there's bigger & better things in store for you.

wow, it seems like so many people leaving relationships lately. sorry to hear about the difficult breakup. I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to send some support and say trust in your decision. Sometimes in the separating stage we can second guess ourselves or only see the good things about the person. No matter how painful it may seem now, trust that you're doing the right thing to take care of yourself and open the door for something more positive in the future.

how do you know you had a relationship?