I'm not sure if this counts as a revelation, or just a moment where I had a thought, a wish, a realization that seemed a bit more clear amidst the dust. I'm lacking for eloquence at the moment, but it's on my mind and I'm feeling the need to share. Thank you Burning Women, by the way, for giving me a safe space to share :-)

We said our final goodbye to a dear friend at the Temple this year. We also said Happy Birthday to her on Saturday as the Man burned. If you noticed how the man stood for longer than ever... and if you noticed the 3:00 tier of the Temple standing strong through the fire... well, that was Janet. The two places where her ashes were spread were the two places that stood strong thru the blaze. I can't help but believe her presence had a little something to do with that. She was a stubborn woman, indeed. And dammit, she was gonna stand as long as we were there to love her.

Which brings me to my little revelation.

As the Temple burned, the most prominent thought that occupied my being was... She knew she was loved.

And I found solace in that. It brought me joy, it gave me hope, it helped me make peace.

She knew she was loved.

I found myself hoping and wishing that when my day comes, when all our days come, that we all leave this place with the knowledge that we are loved.

I came back to the default world with a sense of awe, trying to grasp just how much I am loved. I so often feel alone, isolated, and unloved. And I thought that was reality. Somehow, the winds have changed. And I now find myself feeling surrounded by people who love me, who want to help, who want the best for me. I'm going through a major change in my life right now, and I'm overwhelmed with how my friends and family are supporting and helping me... without my even having to ask. I didn't see it coming. They all have challenges of their own they are facing, yet they are finding space for me in their hearts and in their lives, without my even having to ask. I'm humbled, and I feel loved.

Maybe this is the way it was all along, and maybe I took them for granted. Maybe I didn't feel deserving so I didn't acknowledge their love. Maybe I harbored resentments, or jealousy, or maybe I just thought it was easier to be alone and angry. I'm really not sure.

All I know is, I had a revelation that the best way to leave this world is with the knowledge that you are loved. Maybe giving love is easier than accepting love. And maybe, just maybe, accepting love is just as important. Maybe even more so.

xoxo
Dusty