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Hey Hotties! I thought this woud be the best place to express myself about Burning Man and my troubles this year.
My history: I have been with my husband for 11 years. He was the one who first inspired me to go to BMan. At the time, I needed a place to express my personal freedom and sexuality and autonomy. We are heavy into music festivals, too. A few years back though, he got tired of the hedonistic quailty of going to such events, he kinda stopped partying, and didnt feel like being around people that were messed up. Mind you, the music festivals I go to are really community based (High Sierra etc) and not so much a place for hippys to do drugs. They go for the music first. These festivals and Burning Man are a part of my life.
Since he stopped, he has continued to let me go. of course! He wouldnt take things away from me. We make our own choices. He is not interested in attending Burning Man. Not only does he have horrible asthma, he has health conditions that make it so he cannot tolerate heat, etc....and he isnt really into the communal thing. He likes to watch the man burn on TV and loves to hear stories, though.
I kind of fucked up the past 2 years, by being a little too dorked out on BMan and the festivals. I do 4 events a year. 2 small Sierra festivals, High Sierra, and Burning Man. But, I get really wrapped up in these events. I have neglected him and his needs.
This year, he is coming back to High Sierra with me, which is aweosme. I am so excited. However, he wants me to not do Burning Man so we can do a road trip instead, or something that has to do with us, and not just me. I fully understand and I dont want to lose him.
However, I feel like a big baby.....I am really sad about missing this years Burn. I would almost rather take away one of the small festivals instead, but they dont tax the mind and wallet like BMan does, so I understand why it haas to be Burning Man that is nixed from my schedule. HE DESERVES THIS!!
I just want some shoulders to cry on that I cannot be there this year. I am trying to be strong. When it comes down to it, so what? Its good to take a year off.....however I would rather just GO this year, and take the next 2 years off instead of this year. I am sure I can work something out, but I really should just buck up and be totally cool with skipping this year. its just so hard! BMan has become a part of me and my dreams and personality. I could easily prepare for 2010 and 11 to not burn, but I have already gotten my ticket and made plans for this year, so its so hard to give up. HE IS WORTH IT......I just gotta keep that in mind!
My apologies for just rambling, I know this is just bouncing my thoughts off of all of you, but anything would help ease my mind.
My history: I have been with my husband for 11 years. He was the one who first inspired me to go to BMan. At the time, I needed a place to express my personal freedom and sexuality and autonomy. We are heavy into music festivals, too. A few years back though, he got tired of the hedonistic quailty of going to such events, he kinda stopped partying, and didnt feel like being around people that were messed up. Mind you, the music festivals I go to are really community based (High Sierra etc) and not so much a place for hippys to do drugs. They go for the music first. These festivals and Burning Man are a part of my life.
Since he stopped, he has continued to let me go. of course! He wouldnt take things away from me. We make our own choices. He is not interested in attending Burning Man. Not only does he have horrible asthma, he has health conditions that make it so he cannot tolerate heat, etc....and he isnt really into the communal thing. He likes to watch the man burn on TV and loves to hear stories, though.
I kind of fucked up the past 2 years, by being a little too dorked out on BMan and the festivals. I do 4 events a year. 2 small Sierra festivals, High Sierra, and Burning Man. But, I get really wrapped up in these events. I have neglected him and his needs.
This year, he is coming back to High Sierra with me, which is aweosme. I am so excited. However, he wants me to not do Burning Man so we can do a road trip instead, or something that has to do with us, and not just me. I fully understand and I dont want to lose him.
However, I feel like a big baby.....I am really sad about missing this years Burn. I would almost rather take away one of the small festivals instead, but they dont tax the mind and wallet like BMan does, so I understand why it haas to be Burning Man that is nixed from my schedule. HE DESERVES THIS!!
I just want some shoulders to cry on that I cannot be there this year. I am trying to be strong. When it comes down to it, so what? Its good to take a year off.....however I would rather just GO this year, and take the next 2 years off instead of this year. I am sure I can work something out, but I really should just buck up and be totally cool with skipping this year. its just so hard! BMan has become a part of me and my dreams and personality. I could easily prepare for 2010 and 11 to not burn, but I have already gotten my ticket and made plans for this year, so its so hard to give up. HE IS WORTH IT......I just gotta keep that in mind!
My apologies for just rambling, I know this is just bouncing my thoughts off of all of you, but anything would help ease my mind.
posted by:
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California
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 1:15 PMHey--my sweetie and I aren't going this year and I'm looking forward to spending time with him without all the stress of getting ready to go and cleaning up afterwards.
Plan something REALLY nice for the two of you during that weekend--go to a great b&b, do some hot springs (if you live out West here), spend some time outdoors with him hiking in some of our fabulous parks--whatever. Make this year with him an ADVENTURE for the two of you of epic proportions. The Burn will be there when you are ready to go back--but no event--and I mean NO EVENT is worth losing the one you love over.
Good luck. -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 1:52 PMThats just what I need to hear! Im thinking we can go to Glacier Natl Park, and then head over to Seattle and be with my brother and wife when they have their baby, and hit up some hot springs too.
Gee....life isnt all Burny and Glowy and Blinky......phew, I thought it was just me ;)
There is a stress factor that is relieving to not have by not attending Bman! AHHH GOOD THOUGHTS
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 2:08 PMand plan on having some REALLY GREAT SEX! be sure to pack some of your slinkiest, sexiest stuff--and encourage him to do the same.
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 2:40 PMSamsa, I am actually a little jealous of you. A wonderful road trip to see our beautiful country, solo with the one you love, sounds like it could easily leave all that BM oonsa oonsa in the dust (literally).
My $.02 - hide away a super fabulous bottle of wine and some gourmet treat, and have a naked picnic at sunset somewhere remote. Turn on some Billie Holiday and slow dance as the stars come out.
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 4:17 PMthere will be other burns, but there may not be another opportunity to reconnect with your partner in this way. Youre fortunate to have one that not only granted you the freedom to go without him for years, but who knows himself well enough to tell you when he needs you, and that wants to spend that amount of time with you and just you.
Not going to yet another burn seems like a small sacrifice for such a solid partnership. -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 5:39 PMFuck yeah, you girlz wimmenz ROCK!!
I feel like kicking myself a little bit for being so blind. This will only be my 5th burn if I were to go, so Im not mentally ready for a break, but I am a thousand percent ready for a reconnection with my hubs. -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 12:22 AMgood for you, samsa.
your husband is your priority in life, and burning man is a party. yes, it's a cool party, but come on... your husband has asked you not to go this year. it's a no-brainer. you don't go this year. why? because you love him and your marriage comes first.
and even if you don't feel ready for a break, i guarantee a year off from the planning, the time, the organizing, the distraction of it, can feel like a beautiful thing.
i totally support that you should make plans to do something totally romantic and phenomenal together on labor day weekend.
and then you might want to go on the ever-popular every-other-year plan for the playa. it's a great way to keep the playa experience in your life, but to still leave room for other adventures. make sure you do things that are non-festival oriented, too. big parties are awesome, but hiking in the wilderness, or finding a tucked-away place on a beach somewhere in mexico (oooh, tulum is lovely!), or seeing paris is awesome too. and showing your husband that you love him more than a party? priceless ;^)
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Mon, June 1, 2009 - 2:29 AM>I feel like kicking myself a little bit for being so blind<
Be kind to yourself instead and tell your man thanks for letting the two of you create such a special relationship that allowed you to go all those other years. Then tell yourself and him that you are upset, not upset at him, but upset at not being able to go because you had the ticket and plans, and that being upset is natural; no one likes to hear no. But being upset doesn't mean you can't now get excited about your new trip, planning it together, etc. Go have fun together.
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Thu, May 14, 2009 - 5:38 PMWhat they all said. And just think what your reunion with BMan will be, after having been "re-virginized" for a year or so. -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 3:55 PMFor sure! Of course he comes first. Thanks again for the great comments. It really feels good to express my thoughts in a trusty place.
But see, Burning Man is not a big party for me personally. I party all year long at music events with a huge community. PARTY PARTY PARTY. I dont really go to BMan to party. I go to figure shit out in my head alone most of the time. I go to get in shape on my bike. I go to get away from people (truly!) but I also get to observe people. I go to BMan to warp my dreams and to get songs in my head. I go to write music and play music for people. I go to DJ and share my music. To bar tend and smile and take part in community. In fact, the drugs are too much for me at BMan.....i might eat a little of natures pizza topping but its very insightful, not like this big etard rave for me.
But, when Mark and I do road trips virtually the same thing happens, just in a less freaky fashion. The biggest most imprtant difference, is the road trip with Mark has HIM included :) -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 6:34 PMi hope you don't think that i mean "big etard rave" when i say party. i am actually from the rave scene, and honestly, even the phrase "big etard rave" hits me wrong. real ravers are not etards. we are social creatures who love to dance together. the people who last in the rave scene are not there because of drugs. we are there because of the power of music and dancing community. i know, i'm preachin' to the choir on that one, but it's an important message, one that i've gone on national tv, radio, magazines and newspapers to try to spread over the years -- raving is not synonymous with drugs.
so when i say party, i mean, well, party. and it is. as in thousands of people gathering to each have their own version of a great time. party. to me, raves are also parties. at either of these events, there may be etards, but they are not the event, and they're pretty easy to avoid (except when they want to touch my hair, but i have techniques to discourage that ;^)
and burning man vs. the man you love? no contest, no contest. again, i'm glad you worked that out here. -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 7:42 PMIve missed 2 burns ( first, my wedding, then new baby) and I like sitting back and thinking, wow, Im so glad not to be sitting in Exodus traffic for 4 hours right now, or after reading other burners posts about 24-hour long white outs, that Im not stuck in that either! Yes, I pined for my friends, 90% of whom were all out there. But I didnt miss portos, eating playa, the endless driving, the heat, the tasty-bites, the scrounging soap dodgers, the "how you doin?" frat boys or any of that!
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 7:00 PMAgreed with all the other advice...but i will say that I didn't go last year after going for 8 straight years, and my advice is to be prepared to miss it. It would have been awesome if I'd been able to be away doing something else that week like you're planning to, but the reality is that (long story blah blah) I stayed in town and worked that week. And there were definitely pangs of missing it, which I wasn't necessarily prepared for...so, just sayin'. You will have an awesome time on your trip, but don't be surprised if you have a "wow, this is the time of day that I'd be finishing dinner and getting dressed to go out" feeling, etc. I kind of ended up embracing those feelings, actually.
A year off is ok--and it sounds like you have super fun stuff planned! Have a great time!
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 7:58 PMJust what they said...okay, a bit more, maybe.
I'm taking the first year off in eleven years. I thought back in my 5th that there would never be a year I didn't go.
However...
As an organizer of a troupe and a Conclave, Burning Man became a second full-time job. Which was way fun. Now, though, my first full-time job and some needed house renovations are conspiring to completely monopolize my attention for at least a year, more likely two. And I realized that what I would get out of this was that I would be able to experience missing Burning Man for the first time ever.
Which is going to be really cool.
Burning Man will still be there when you get back. And, in all likelihood, the pent-up desire to go will make the following year fuckin' rock for you.
Have fun on your romantic vacation - and wherever you are, maybe make a moment to raise a glass and toast the Man at the moment he Burns! :)
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Sat, May 16, 2009 - 9:10 AMAnd be sure and let us know what you end up doing and how it goes. -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Sun, May 17, 2009 - 8:06 AMMy man and I bought a house last year and decided not to go to the burn for expense reasons. We were really bummed that week, and it was hard...BUT...We took the following week and went to Sequoia and it was magical! We did find that secluded place to be naked all day alone with nature and it was so so so amazing.
Whatever you do it will be fantastic. Reconnecting is good! -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Tue, June 16, 2009 - 9:11 AMThank you all for the time in responding!! Well, we figured out that next summer we need to drive back to upper michigan to visit his family, and since we need to do that, we are going to make a month out of it and go the northern route thru Glacier and back thru the Dakotas and Wyoming, which is so awesome~~~ This will of course require missing Burning Man!
My husband wanted me to be OK with not going to Bman for the sake of it, to know that I would give that up for him. I did. I was perfectly fine with not going this year. But then things fell into place, and I will be attending this year, but taking next year off for our big trip!!
When I leave BRC on Monday or Tuesday this year, I will say bye for an extra year and it will be right.
I was really excited about the theme this year and the smaller city. I was thinking of checking out Earthdance as a little make up buffer, and planning on some solid time with my husband, but knowing I would is half the battle.
Were going to Lassen this weekend and I think that will really stoke things out and get us in our grooove :)
Now to fix the bike and think about a new tent...... -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Tue, June 16, 2009 - 9:30 AMAt the risk of getting all woo about this...
Your story perfectly illustrates the weird phenomenon when you let go and have peace with that, then you get everything you want ANYWAY.
Good for you, Samsa! Sounds like you have some kinda special man, there! -
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Re: In need of some therapy: Might not make this years burn
Tue, June 16, 2009 - 8:57 PMI think that was the point in the first place, good reading into it! We both went to a really cool music festival we help put on called Bobolink (BassCAmp from Utah was there, it was great! Dubstep and Bluegrass living in harmony, ahhhh sweet!) and when we got home I just was at TOTAL peace with missing the Burn this year. He could totally sense it and was proud that I let go. (i really needed to!!) Then my girlfriend secretly tells me that hes gonna surprise me with telling me to go for it!! I had to mention that to him, cuz, well its time to prepare! Either way I would be very happy, and YES more proof that hes a keeper! I will say bye to BRC this year til 2011 and feel great about it! :)
Thanks Burning Women for being a nice buffer!
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